


Undisclosed Desires

by ahappyphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:34:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21771550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/pseuds/ahappyphil
Summary: Bonding exercises and remembering the early days.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 43
Kudos: 185





	Undisclosed Desires

Phil’s busy. He’s always busy lately, they both are, but Phil does all the boring business end of year stuff that Dan’s just never had the head for. They’ve both got projects and email and agendas that have left them with very little down time recently.

Dan loves their life. He loves the quiet domestic stability, how he can look over at Phil on the other couch with his fingers pinching his brow as he looks over emails. Constantly being in each other’s space is still a comfort that hasn’t died down with age. They’re adults now. They do stable adult things and have responsibilities that grant them the life they have now.

But sometimes there’s a subtle urge, a desire for the chaos and the heat that came from the early years. He’s grateful that he gets to have Phil everyday now, that missing each other isn’t part of the deal anymore, but he can’t help but reminisce fondly at the memories of pent up tension exploding the second they were alone together. They were the epitome of young and dumb and in love.

Which is how he ends up looking through their google drive at old photos while Phil is still knee deep in invoices and merch issues. It’s a startling contrast to see grown up Phil handling their life with confidence across the room compared to the unsure one on the screen. 

It’s one of them from the week he’d spent up north that first year. They’re tangled up in each other and look absolutely love drunk. He was always desperate to capture those moments for when they were once again separated for what felt like an eternity every time. 

Dan flips his laptop around and signals for Phil to look up.

“Do you remember this? We used to be cute, huh”

Phil gives him a smirk as he stares at the picture. “I remember you blew me in the kitchen while I made us eggs right before.” 

“How the hell do you know that!? Do you have a sex photographic memory or something?” 

“Because I remember worrying about accidentally dropping the hot pan on you and getting egg yolk on that shirt.” He looks like he’s reliving his own fear. “Plus, when weren’t we either about to fuck or had just finished back then?”

He’s got a point. A large portion of those visits were taken up by someone getting someone else off. 

Dan couldn’t help it. He was embarrassingly obsessed with Phil back then and everything he did made him hot. The first time he saw Phil sleepily brush his teeth, he got a semi. 

“Do you miss it?” It’s not like they’re exactly lacking in that department, but things are different now. They’re settled and secure. They’re not clinging onto each other for dear life anymore. 

“What? Not being able to control ourselves?” Phil lets out a chuckle. “I don’t think my willy could handle that now.” 

Dan’s preparing to argue, to ask if he does in fact mourn that version of him. He’s not an insecure teenager in constant need of reassurance anymore, but sometimes he can’t help but dwell on how vastly different he is from that boy who oh so loudly and unashamedly capture Phil’s attention. 

Phil stops him before he can spiral to say “I prefer the present version to be honest. This one’s the best.” He sets back to his emails, then stops. “But if you ever wanted to put your fuzzy hat on and snog me, I wouldn’t complain.” 

*

It’s something that he read when he was in therapy and felt the need to consume every kind of technique and self improvement strategy available on the internet. He’d decided back then that they didn’t necessarily need couples counseling, but he liked to read about various exercises anyway. It was interesting to see what people did to keep the spark alive. 

Reliving the beginning. Remembering what it was that drew you to one another. Role playing the first date. Make out like teenagers without a care in the world. 

Phil’s going to be preoccupied for at least an hour. That should be enough time…

*

He’s eternally grateful that they’re both sappy and sentimental enough to have kept a few bits from the old wardrobes. He grabs his flat iron and gets to work at something he’s surprised is still in his muscle memory. 

The shirt fits tighter than it used to after years of personal trainers and the final stretch of puberty. It’s hard to believe he’s the same person sometimes. 

Once he’s done in the bedroom, he leaves a note on top of the plaid shirt and faded jeans laid on top of the duvet. 

_put these on and meet me in the old amazingphil room xx_

*

The first thing Phil notices as he approaches is the faint sound of Matt Bellamy’s voice coming through the closed door. 

He had an idea of where this was going, but he hadn’t expected Dan to be this thorough.

He’s greeted by a Kill Bill poster that has been printed on several sheets of paper and taped together. His old green and blue duvet is back on the bed and there’s a few pictures stuck to the wall. 

He doesn’t have much time to soak it in as the minute he’s fully entered the room, Dan tackles him and pushes him on the bed. 

Before he can ask what’s going on, Dan’s straddling him and kissing him with such ferocity it almost hurts. There’s no sweet build up or gentle pecks, he’s just attacking his mouth with everything he has. Phil’s already forgotten the question.

It’s hot and distantly familiar. It feels almost like desperation. 

Dan pulls away for a second. His pupils are blown and his lips are already red. 

“God, I missed you baby.” 

_Baby?_ When’s the last time either of them said baby?

“The train took for fucking ever.”

 _Train?_ ….Oohhh

“All I could think about was this.” He grabs Phil’s cock through his jeans.

If he had any rational thought left in his brain, he’d stop and ask Dan why he’s all of a sudden decided to role play this particular scenario today. All that seems to be left is the part that can only focus on the sensations. On how good these all feels and how the unexpectedness heightens it. 

One of the best parts about being with Dan back then was his impulsiveness and creativity. Phil never knew what was coming next, but he inevitably almost always loved it. Dan became a master at making him feel good in record time. 

That’s what this feels like now, the unpredictability and excitement of letting Dan take the lead but the knowledge that he can fully trust him. It feels fucking fantastic. 

Dan’s attached himself to his neck, seemingly intent on leaving as many marks as possible, and Phil feels like he’s twenty two all over again. 

He moves to try to unlatch Dan so he can undo his trousers or take off a shirt. Really anything, there’s not enough flesh available for touching here. But Dan doesn’t let him. 

Finally, once Dan sits up on his knees and catches his breath he says “I wanna do it, and you can’t help. Just ...let me.”

He hovers over Phil and starts to unbutton his plaid shirt at a maddeningly slow pace, stopping to kiss every other time. Never taking his eyes off of him, not for a second. 

It’s the kind of attention that took Phil awhile to get accustomed to, to not want to shy away from. 

He’d never had someone look at him like Dan did. Like he was precious, like he was someone worth paying attention to. 

Right now, it feels raw. Vulnerable. Because Dan means it. He may be acting out some kind of scenario and he may be a theatre kid at heart, always committing to a role, but that look is all Dan.

Once he’s done with the button, he opens Phil’s shirt and rubs his hands up and down his chest. He doesn’t move to take it off, doesn't even give him a signature cheeky nipple pinch. He’s just exploring. Just taking his time to get to know this body like he hasn’t seen it almost every day for a decade. 

He’s not completely sure what the game is anymore, but he’s certainly not complaining. Muse is still blasting from the speaker and Dan’s newly straightened fringe is slightly covering one eye. It’s astounding how young he appears, especially with the way he’s looking at Phil right now.

There’s nostalgia there sure, but it’s kind of a reminder of how much he loves present Dan. All confident and assured of who they are. 

This is nice too though. He’ll have to tell Dan once this is over what a good actor he is. Even though he knows the smugness that will ensue after such a compliment. Oh god, it’s going to get him back into reading Shakespeare isn’t it. 

He doesn’t know how Dan’s doing it, but really does feel so much like the beginning though, down to the nerves blossoming in his tummy as Dan starts to undo his belt buckle. Which is stupid. That’s not rare or new. 

He wants Dan undressed too. This is hardly fair. He doesn’t know if he’s allowed, but he goes to pull the gray sweater over his head. Dan lets him, but looks a touch insecure. 

Phil’s not sure if it’s part of the role, getting back into his old mindset filled with insecurity, or Dan’s own issues with how he’s changed physically over the years. Either way, he’s gorgeous. Always has been. 

“You’re bloody gorgeous, you know that?” Phil doesn’t know which version he’s saying it to, but it seems to make Dan smile nonetheless. 

Dan plops back down on top of him to pick up where they left off. The heat is turned up again. Phil’s trying to match his energy as he grabs Dan’s ass through his jeans. 

Despite the anxious swirling thoughts about time and change and whether Dan’s nostalgic for the person he isn’t anymore trying desperately to reach the forefront of his brain, he resists. He just wants to enjoy this for what it is. 

There will never be a time when getting to touch and make out like a couple of hormonal teenagers isn’t one of his top 5 favorite things to do. He’s a little drunk on it.

It’s not something they do they often anymore in that normally they’ve both be naked by now and someone’s dick would be getting all the attention, this part is usually a stepping stone. The kissing and touching just to touch, not to lead somewhere, he’s staring to realize how under appreciated it is. It feels intimate in a way that sex can sometimes lack. 

He likes that he’s noticing little things like the sweat forming on Dan’s forehead and the way he can feel his breath on his face when they pause for a second to finally get jeans off. 

He likes that they’re both tenting in their pants and not making a move to take them off just yet. It reminds him of younger days. It feels naughty in a way, like they’re afraid of getting caught.

He maneuvers Dan on his back and climbs on top of him. He wants to play too. 

“What happens when I kiss you here?” He leaves a peck on Dan’s cheek, then moves on to the shell of his ear. “What about here?” That earns him a moan as he bites the lobe where a black stud has replaced his signature silver hoop. 

He drops his voice to something lower and gravely. The voice he used back in the day when he was trying desperately to sound sexy. 

“Here?” Phil sucks at the pulse point on his neck. Dan arches off the bed when he doesn’t stop. Everything feels heightened, like every single sense is turned up to eleven. He doesn’t know how long they’ve been at this but it feels like hours. 

“Phil!” is all that comes from Dan as he aligns their hips so he can thrust into his clothed cock. It’s sloppy. Ten years and he still struggles with multitasking. He continues to go at his neck, knowing from years of experience that if the mood is right Dan can come from this. 

He stops every so often to mumble encouragement into his ear. Phil’s getting into character more than he thought he would. 

“Fuck. Missed you so much baby.” He lays the northern accent thicker than normal. It always drove Dan a little mad. “You’re so hot.”

Dan whines and grabs his ass, signaling him to pick up the pace. Normally, he’d be a bit apprehensive about dry humping this rough. The friction from the material sometimes chafes his sensitive skin and he’d rather not get come all inside his pants, but it feels right in this environment. 

He does his best to keep a rhythm with Dan’s fingers still digging in his cheeks. He moves from his neck to just biting his shoulder. They’re both going to have marks anyway, might as well make the most of it. 

He knows Dan’s about to come when he starts babbling nonsense. Even in the beginning when they were both trying to play it cool, Dan couldn’t control his mouth. Phil always liked it. It tapped into the male ego side of him when he could make someone lose control like that. Dan’s orgasm hits him like he’s been punched, uncharacteristically intense considering he didn’t even touch his dick. 

It seems he’s done with those rules once he’s recovered as he quickly pulls Phil’s pants down to wank him. The angle is a little awkward since Phil’s balanced on his elbow hovering over him, but Dan’s always been able to adapt. 

It doesn’t take long. It’s been building up for ages. Phil hears the end of Uprising as Dan strokes fast and hard using the precum as a makeshift lube, and comes with a growl. 

He feels delirious with dejavu and nostalgia and just how fucking good this all feels. 

He moves off Dan and flops on his back, letting them both catch their breath. He doesn’t know if they’re still in whatever this has been or not, but he’s curious now. 

“Alright, wanna tell me what this was about?” He looks over as Dan huffs out a laugh as he explains the article he had read and how their conversion reminded him he kind of wanted to try it. 

“Just wanted to remind you what a hot young piece I was.”

Phil can see right through the sarcasm. He thinks there’s probably more to it than that, but he’ll leave it be for now.

“You’re hotter now.” He drops a kiss to Dan’s shoulder. “My sexy man.” 

“Shut up.” His dimples undermining the bite in his voice. “Don’t know how we managed to bang like rabbits back then. I’m exhausted.”

“Really? Cause I could go another round in a minute. Guess my virility held up better than yours, Danny boy!” He boops Dan’s nose. 

“Bullshit! Bring it old man!”

Phil wants to ride out this wave of youthful defiance. 

“Why don’t you go get cleaned up and meet me in our room.” He leans closer into Dan’s space and whispers in his ear. “I want you to fuck me.” There’s a pause. “That is...if you’re not too tired” 

Dan smacks him in chest and gets up. He putting on a show, but Phil knows he’s about to get his way. 

He looks around the room that represents his past. It was good. Everything about that time was electric. 

But this...building a life with the man he loves. Nothing can compare. There’s no trains or painful goodbyes anymore, no heat due to a time limit.

Just them. Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Reblog [here](https://ahappydnp.tumblr.com/post/189632541196/undisclosed-desires-e-26k-summary-bonding) :)


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